whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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