I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
