I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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