Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
