I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I cannot find my penis.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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