Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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