I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
