Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
