Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
