You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
