i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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