Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
