I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
