i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
