So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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