just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
