im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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