Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
