i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
