Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
