How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
