No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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