Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
