I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
