woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
