I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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