Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just made my gag reflex go away.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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