I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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