$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
