I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
