I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
