Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
