The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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