I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
