it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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