Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
