matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
