remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
