Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
