We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
