check it out our google latitudes are spooning
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
