Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
