Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
