She's JV to your varsity
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
