He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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