oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
