We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
