you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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