a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
