Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
