Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
