i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
