Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
